Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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