What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
