it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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