she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
