he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
