Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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