First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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