he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
