They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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