I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
