this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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