Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
