So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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