dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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