my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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