I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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