Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
