did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
