I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
