went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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