whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
