Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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