"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I could make wine with my vomit
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
