i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
