wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
soo... how was my night?
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