Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
