And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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