is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
as a side note pls kill me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
