Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
