no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
