as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
