so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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