I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
