Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
