friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
