my mouth tastes like poor choices
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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