It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
