So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
