I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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