I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
