I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
