i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
