David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
