They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
