Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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