Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
