glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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