when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
