If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
