Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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