Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
