My sheets look like a crime scene.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He better not be in your backpack
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
