im gay
i know
yea but for you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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