Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
