I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
