this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i now understand why vodka
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
