I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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