please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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