Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
