The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
