Screwed.edu
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
