if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
