At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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