so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
