I heard we made out
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
