My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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