I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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