I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
two words: eviction party
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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