I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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