I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
