Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
