u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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