my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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