some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
