She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
