its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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