Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
