I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
