Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
