The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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