So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
