Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
