dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
