I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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