so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
